How is it that today - the day after the funeral, the supposed wrap up - has felt more painful than the days immediately before it? I naively thought that the funeral would be the full stop. But of course, Anna being Anna, I learnt more about her during the eulogies than I ever knew during her life. Which is fine my lovely, all your choice, and one we all respected, to our detriment now as I heard the question 'why didn't I push for more,or say more, or help more ?' asked many times by her friends and family. Pete, talking with you yesterday was incredibly profound and special, I just feel so strongly on having met you that she must have absolutely loved you. And it was also incredibly hard, as I know I kept saying it but you do look like your sister! At one point in our conversation you did something seemingly innocuous, you said 'naahh' while tilting your head to the side, and my breath caught in my throat because it was exactly how she used to say it. Usually as a self deprecating response to some positive feedback I'd given her (forced on her!) at work. More memories, that poured out yesterday and won't leave me alone: 1) During maternity leave, I chose a Sunday to come visit the library with my baby. I chose wisely. Beata and Anna were at the enquiry desk, and they both launched themselves at the pram, Beata whispering gleefully in Polish and Anna sinking her hands gently around my baby's sleeping head and murmuring 'ohhh I love a bald baby, oh my god I love a bald baby'. 2) In the office, she would come and sit on the floor next to my desk whenever she needed a chat, knees tucked under her chin, pensive mood, and curious about work things; 'Can I ask why we're now doing it this way?' etc. 3) Unsolicited emails of encouragement, when she didn't need to; 'Just wanted to say, you did a great job facilitating that difficult meeting. Good work you'. 4) Many occasions of laughing quietly to herself at her desk, and turning around to me; 'Everything alright Holly? You're doing big sighs and annoyed noises at your computer screen'. 5) Getting the promotion to manager in 2016, learning who my new direct reports would be... oh god, not Anna Mills! As her former peer, working at a different site so with minimal contact, she had terrified me. Now I had to manage her?! A month in as her line manager, and I was hooked. What's more, the light of respect was beginning to show in her eyes too. One of my greatest professional achievements. Thats it. I'm done now. All our love from me and the rest of your work family, Millsy. Rest easy. No more SMART objectives, I promise. Holly P X